One Month

It is hard to fathom that, as of 11:55pm tonight, my sweet little dude is already a month old.  Where did the time go?  The whole idea of being a mom is still somewhat surreal, and here it has already been a month since my Erik made my world a much better place.  Actually, he's made a lot of worlds better--first time grandparents (on both sides!), a first-time great-grandfather, aunts (and aunties) and uncles--some for the first time, cousins, extended family, friends... it is incredible to me the love with which this baby is surrounded--and I am so grateful for that.

The other day, someone made a very interesting observation to me.  She said I never complain about having a baby.  I suppose there is a lot I could complain about... I mean, who wants to change stinky diapers and run the risk of being peed on?  Who wants to be sleep deprived (despite Erik being a pretty good sleeper, I'd say it's safe to say my husband and I are pretty well exhausted)?  Who wants to spend all day getting nothing done (okay, maybe some people would like that, but it drives me crazy)?  Who wants to be spit up on?  Who wants to have to recover from pregnancy (and a c-section) while doing all of that?  The list is endless, but I keep coming back to one thing... how on earth can I complain when I have such a perfect, wonderful little man?

I couldn't be happier or more proud.  I didn't think it was possible to fall in love so often, but it is.  I didn't think I could love my husband any more than I did before our child was born, but I do.  I had no idea how much more I would adore and appreciate my momma after becoming a momma myself.  The last month has been such a learning curve--and not really on baby stuff (I was almost 11 when my now 13 year old sister was born, so bottles and diapers and clothing changes were second nature before my little dude was born).  I feel like I have grown significantly as a person.  I feel like my husband has, too.  And I feel like the two of us have grown together in a way we never could have before.  It's quite wonderful.

Erik has grown and changed so much the last few weeks.  He's finally gained enough weight that he doesn't swim in his newborn sized clothes.  He is much more alert and awake for longer periods of time (which means I get to see those beautiful blue eyes!).  He is quite the squirmer--he can scoot all over the place with a lot more proficiency than I'd like for him to at this point.  He's starting to hold his head up for several seconds at a time.  He's a great car traveller, and seems to really like going for walks.  He adores all his family--smiling at them all and knowing who to have "stranger danger" with and who not to already.  He seems to already know how to get me--he will lock eyes with me, cry a little, and stick his little pouty lip out, then smile to himself.  He makes the most adorable sounds, from his cry to his coo to his snorts to his squeaks.  What an amazing, amazing little boy.

I could go crazy posting pictures, but instead I'll just direct you to my Facebook Album for Erik.  I've had to refrain from posting all the pictures I take, I think everyone would get bored of them.  When I take his "one month" picture later today, I'll post that here.

A Birth Story

While I was pregnant, I got loads of advice--some good, some bad, some unwanted, and some desperately needed.  I don't want to give anyone advice... I don't want anyone giving me the "smile and nod" I gave so many during my own pregnancy (yes, I admit, I did that...).  Every one (both women and pregnancies) is different, so I wouldn't begin to think yours will go exactly like mine.  I don't even think my next pregnancy will be the same as this one.  But I do want to have a record of it.  Hence this post.

After my husband (Matt) and I got married last year (a year ago this coming Sunday, actually!), it didn't take very long to get pregnant.  It was a little bit of a surprise, right in the middle of a heated campaign--but a much needed joy at the time, all things considered.  And then... we miscarried.  To say we were devastated might be an understatement, as anyone who has been through that can relate.  However, much to my surprise, about 6 weeks later... let's just say "fertile Myrtle" would be an accurate description of me, apparently.  Of course, I didn't realize I was pregnant until after almost 4 weeks of walking pneumonia and some pretty heavy-duty drugs.  That was my first concern as soon as I figured out I was pregnant.  And then, of course, my concern was that I would miscarry again.  Luckily, I didn't.

My little dude at about 8 1/2 weeks

And little dude at 20 weeks

Strangely enough, our due date ended up being our first anniversary--28 April.  Like all new moms, I was excited--and had a whole brood of excited first-time grandparents (since this is the first grandbaby on either side)... and with a whole posse of excited friends enjoying the ride, I ended up chronicling the "baby bump" every week on Facebook.  These are the first and last pictures from that silliness--at 10 1/2 and 36 1/2 weeks, respectively--56lbs later.

           

I barely made it to my baby shower (on 6 April), and I wasn't sure I was going to make it, to be honest.  When I was about 32 weeks, I started having preterm labor which sent me to the hospital and got me put on Procardia to stop that.  Then my husband went out of the country for a few weeks, and rather significant swelling started.  I figured that was just typical of pregnancy, so I wasn't worried about it.  Of course, the day after my husband got back stateside, we had an appointment.  And back to the hospital we went, this time with a diagnosis of preeclampsia.  And back to the hospital we went thrice more that week (35 weeks into my pregnancy), along with two doctor's office visits that week.  Things seemed to quiet down after that.  I probably didn't need to go in as much, but both my doctor and I were being hyper-vigilant.  

Week 36 seemed fairly normal (except one false labor scare, but that was quickly and easily resolved without yet another hospital visit--I told them I absolutely was not going back to the hospital until it was D-Day), so I expected when I went in for my visit on Monday, 8 April, everything would be fine and dandy.  But no.  I was dilating (just 1cm at that point), and they sent me back to the hospital.

Since we had finally (barely) reached 37 weeks, my doctor wasn't worried if I was to give birth then.  In fact, he decided to induce me the next morning, so they gave me some medication to get things ready for the induction at o'dark thirty on Tuesday.  My momma made yet another trip up from Colorado Springs to be with me, and my husband's mom was there most of the afternoon, but when it seemed like we were waiting until the next day, my mother-in-law went home.  Then the contractions started getting worse--to the point where my low pain-tolerance couldn't handle it and they gave me a shot in my biggest muscle (oh, joy) that was supposed to last for several hours.  It made things tolerable for maybe two hours.  Did I mention I have an incredibly, incredibly low pain tolerance?

When that stopped working, the nurse reminded me I couldn't have an epidural until 4cm, and I was creeping up on 2cm at that point (more like 1.5).  Yeah.  Like I was going to make it to that.  My poor husband and mom--I think I may have scared both of them.  I certainly scared myself.  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect pain like that, and we had barely gotten started!  

By the way--I never would have been able to do this without my husband and momma there.  So a huge thank you to them both... I don't know what I would have done without them during my labor.

And, while we're off the story-line a bit, let me take a moment to digress here.  I have a lot of respect for those who give birth naturally... but there was no way on God's green earth I had ever given serious thought to doing that myself, despite the efforts of many to convince me otherwise.  I knew I did not have the pain tolerance to handle it.  By the way, those who say the sciatica is worse than childbirth are a bunch of liars.  I've had sciatica, more than once, and with my low threshold for pain, it was debilitating at times--but not even remotely in the same universe of pain as labor.  Oh, and those who say you forget the pain afterwards?  HA!  Not even close.  It was worth it, absolutely, and I intend to do it again for at least one (probably two or three) more children, but I will never forget this pain.  Now--back to the story.

I literally couldn't breathe through the pain.  Did I mention back labor sucks?  Well, it does.  And then, it felt like something ripped.  Oh, that was my water breaking--right around 9pm.  That wasn't supposed to happen.  I was supposed to be induced the next day! The nurse checked and, sure enough, I was progressing.  And because of the level of pain, I got my epidural at 2cm.  So there.  Did I mention that I have a really low pain tolerance?  Yeah.  Really low.  Things started progressing fairly quickly after that, and by 11pm, I'd hit 4cm.  But it wasn't quick enough.  

My little dude didn't like it in there without the amniotic fluid, and went into distress.  And so an emergency c-section happened--which, to put it mildly, freaked me out.  Not at all in my plan.  I'd never broken a bone before, never had stitches--the worse thing was having my wisdom teeth out, which was a surprisingly pain-free experience for me--I don't think I took any of the pain medication they prescribe for me because I didn't simply need to.  Besides, in my little OCD mind, I was loving the idea of a 4/9/13 birthday (because 4+9=13).  So, just to mess with me, my sweet and wonderful little Erik Torsten joined us at 11:55pm on 8 April 2013.  He weighed 6lbs. 6.9 oz. and was 19 1/4" long. 

My momma took this picture while they were cleaning him up and doing all the fun post-birth stuff

When I saw him, all my plans didn't matter anymore.  All the pain--much as I still remembered it (rather vividly at that)--didn't matter anymore.  All the worries, fear, and doubts didn't matter anymore.  My little dude--my son--born 3 weeks early, after a lot of grief the last month plus of my pregnancy--was as perfect as I could ever have hoped for.  Watching my husband's face when he saw Erik was incredible.  And wouldn't you know--my little dude smiled at me before they took him away so I could get stitched up.

We spent a long four days in the hospital, getting released on the following Friday.  Lots of family came to meet this special little man, and on Wednesday the 10th, he was baptized (just because that's what I wanted, there was no particular rush other than I didn't see any point in waiting).  

After the baptism with Pr. Wolfmueller

We had a few scares--me spiking a fever and still having high blood pressure, and Erik losing more weight than they were comfortable with--but nothing terrible.  And now my sweet little dude, at 15 days old, is back up past his birth weight, and in the words of his doctor last week, he really is perfect (and looks exactly like his daddy).  It has been the most incredible 15 days of my life.  What an experience for me and my husband--I feel like it has made us closer as a couple, and I've been blown away by watching him be a father.  I have been so blessed with the most wonderful husband and son possible.  I couldn't ask for more or better.  And I am so excited to be celebrating with my husband our one year anniversary on Sunday, 28 April.

My favorite picture of my two favorite men

And, just because I'm a proud momma, here are a few other pictures of my little dude. 

Introduction

I know, I know... I have two other blogs already (one of which I barely write on, unless I'm snarked off about something)--but both have particular purposes.  One is for theological musings, and one is for political rants.  I've been thinking for a while I needed a blog with a more general purpose for posts that are neither particularly theological nor political--so here we are.  Mostly, I want somewhere to write about being a momma when I feel the need--something I've dearly enjoyed the last 15 days since my son, Erik Torsten, joined us.  But more about that in my next post.

For now, you can read the about me to your right, and check out my other blogs as you feel so inclined (links also to the right).